Finding Love in Arrangement
Hello lovely people! This is the month of ‘Love’ and just like January (my son’s birthday month), February is also my favorite month of the year. Nah, not because of the Valentine’s day! But because of my Marriage day! Strange, isn’t it? In Feb 2015, I got married to the person who still makes me fall in love with him again and again. But guess what? It was not Love at first sight! And, of course, it was not a love marriage! It’s strange how some people come into our life and then become our everything. Here’s our story of finding love in an arranged marriage!
I don’t usually write on such topics, but this month, I want to explore my love for blogging and writing. While crafting a blog, I focus on what my readers would want to read and what content they would find helpful or interesting. Mostly, I share valuable information for parents to make their lives easier. However, this month, I want to write for myself. Although I could write it in a personal journal, I also want to make it public. In today’s world, arranged marriages are often looked down upon and finding love can seem too challenging. I want to put this out there before the notion of arranged marriages becomes extinct.
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Also, since I’m participating in #WriteAPageADay with Blogchatter, these posts/entries would be a perfect fit. I have the freedom to write anything I want! Yippee!!!
So, let’s go back to 2014 when my parents were making my life difficult by pestering me to get married. I was 28 years old, pretty frustrated with the whole idea of marriage. No, wait! Not with the concept of marriage but how things are made difficult for a girl by the prospective groom’s family.
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I had already met and said ‘no’ to a few boys by then not because I didn’t like the person but simply because of the expectations their family had from me.
Finding Love: The Arranged Way
One family told me I would have to keep my head covered and eyes down after marriage whenever there will be someone around. That was a shocking demand in the name of respect. I told them I would respect them but I want to keep my head high. They didn’t like that!
Another family was quite religious; they found some fault in my kundli. They wanted me to follow certain rituals, wear some rings, visit the temple every day to ward off the negativity from my stars. I wanted to understand how me doing all this could help their family. I questioned, they got offended!
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There was one well off family, who didn’t want any dowry from my family. But they said, they wouldn’t stop my parents if they want to give any gifts to their daughter; things that would make me feel comfortable in their home. I told them I don’t really like gifts and their ego got hurt!
Then there were boys who behaved like a puppet in front of their families, expecting me to become a puppet too. No way was I going to marry a man child!
Now, after a decade, I can say I did the right thing. I feel proud of myself for not falling into the guilt trap of ‘ladkiyon ko karna padta hai, sun na padta hai’ (girls have to agree to what their would be in-laws want).
I feel being a single child, I was given a lot of liberty to make my own decisions. But when you are in your late late 20s, and you exhibit all the qualities of being a rebel, it makes your parents deeply concerned.
At that time, it was difficult for me to understand the reason for their worry. Because I was happily living in my house with my family, without any restrictions and financially independent too. There were no rules and regulations for me. I was a free bird!
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Why would anyone want to leave all this and start over again?
LOVE!!!
Love is the only thing that can make you do things you never wanted to do. Agree?
Yet, love is often overrated! It has to be unconditional to last forever, much like a mother’s love for her child.
But can you really find such love in a marriage?
What are your thoughts on this?
Did I find my true love?
Read Part 2 here – Finding My Jeevansathi on Jeevansathi dot com
This post was created for the Blogaberry Creative (Monthly) Challenge.
This blog post is also part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla in collaboration with Bohemian Bibliophile.
I am really looking forward to your part 2 post Neha! I really want to know about this cute story! I got married at the age of 22 and it was a love marriage. I am a single child too, so I can relate with you!
ps regarding personal posts, I have always noticed that these types of posts get way more views than the informative ones!
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Thank you, Mandira! I was contemplating whether to write more or leave it here as to write such personal posts I have to come out of my comfort zone. Your comment came at the right time. I’ll share the next part soon! Also, I would love to know more about your experience of love marriage.
It will take us decades to redefine things for our girls but I’m so glad to read you expressed your concerns and said no when needed.
Thank you, Suchita. I hope it happens sooner! The whole system of marriage and expectations around it have to change.
waiting for part 2
Coming soon…
Finding love is not easy but I really admire the concept of love finding us. We come across many people in life to whom we develop a soft feeling but there will be only one person with whom we will feel a true soul connection. Loved reading your post, Neha.
Thank you Swarnali for your thoughtful comment. Finding true love can be challenging, but yes when love finds us, we need to take care of it to see it grow and flourish. Wishing you all the best on your journey of love.
Wow, I’m glad that you did the right thing and didn’t fall for those man child kind of guys. Hahahhaa! We would never have met maybe.
The power of love ❤️
Arranged marriages can also be as loving as love marriages.
Arranged marriages are like a lottery, you never know what prize it holds for you. It was good that you spoke your mind and only said yes where your heart saw it fit. Of course, the parents do worry if one will ever find a mate that their daughter will like enough to settle with or if will she stay a spinster, and that can create a lot of pressure on the girl too.
Thankfully, I never had to sail this arranged marriage, family comes to see girl, boat! I am glad you knew your mind and what kind of a companion you wanted. It’s also good to know that it is now real love! HappWishing you the best.
Neha… not fair… instead of a sequel u gave us a prequel. I was so looking forward to your Jeevan sathi.com’s 2nd part.😫😫😫
On a serious note, I m so glad that you waited for the right person to come along and didn’t succumb to pressure… truly happy for you.
and btw, love marriages don’t have a happy ending either.😛
I was so curious to know what happened next, I came back to your blog and read the second part. I am so happy you found your true love ❤️
To answer to the question If can you really find love in a marraige? My answer will be I am very very fortunate to have my man in my life. Yes I found love in my marraige. Getting him or him getting me was not an easy affair at all.. Yes you got it right… Mine was a love marraige. And I am glad i did one, because he is the one who gave more power to my wings of imagination to fly even higher perhaps arranged marraige could have never given me that. Even today also I cant think of arranged mararige as for me love can never be arranged and when you are in arrange marraige you hardly get the time to know the person and secondly and you are left with no choice other than to fall for that person. But I cant even deny that love dont happen in any arranged marraige but its very less in number. In arranged marraige what I have seen so far the concept of ” getting used to ” or “being a habit” gets the tag of love. I was aware of the choices of my parents for a groom for me and they might me the best for me as per them…. But I knew that’s not my choice of partners and here I was not ready to compromise. But yes, my parents was an arranged marraige and there is love … which I still believe shifted from being a habit to love. But they do love each other. Mishaps can happen both in love and arranged marraige and there is no gurantee. But hugs to you for being in love so much in your married life. May god bless you both and the little one with more happiness and love in your life.
My sister in law and Brother in law had arrange marriage and they love is something I call epic. Yes, I have seen a lot .. (when I say a lot it means too many right from my childhood) of people facing issues after arrange marriage, My parents had a love marriage but seeing these stuff made me beleieve that arranges marriages are never good for women, sometimes men too. But again u r lucky, ,y sister and bro in law r lucky..
Yes, nurturing is a must and effort to find the right partner. Glad you did find the one.
There is a thinking, accurate to some extent, that love marriages are better than arranged. These days, unfortunately, I see lots of love marriages ending in divorce before finding the first anniversary. So sad. To me, what matters is selfless love in an arranged or loving marriage. Neha, I’m happy for you finding love in an arranged marriage.
So glad to have found someone like me who found love through arranged marriage. I don’t know why there is a a negative connotation to getting married like this. I truly believe it doesn’t matter how you find love or the right partner as long as you find them and it keeps the two people in the relationship happy
Marriage should be a partnership of equals, whether arranged or love. Only if both partners understand each other’s needs and make those little adjustments will the road ahead be filled with joy. Giving flowers on one day isn’t enough. Showing in many ways every day that you care is needed. Glad you found “your right man” and rejected all those who made unnecessary demands.
I like how you have chosen to talk about this. Mine is also an arranged marriage and finding love with the man is a blessing. It works both ways although. Looking forward to reading more.
I loved reading this. Looking forward to read what happened next!
Women are expected to settle and give in to obnoxious demands. Arranged marriages are a rarity these days but I have found quite a few of them work out wonderfully. Off to check the Part 2.
As I started reading this post, I thought I had already read part 2 – and i clicked on part 2 to check – and yes! So I knew what was coming while reading this post. Enjoyed reading the various families you met and also despaired that such people still exist!! Thank go you took things in your own hand and found him on Jeevansathi! Wishing you many more years of togetherness!
Glad that you found your soulmate. Be it arranged or love marriage, women should take a decision whom she wants to get married.
Love reading your post , it clearly show how much you people are inlove. God bless you both. I am married to love of my life, and it’s been 19 wonderful yrs toghter. even now it feels like we met yesterday. mM sister had arrange marriage and I can see same love in both of them.
I have arranged marriage and my sister has love marriage. love find us the concept goes well with me. while my sister love is disappeared after getting married. It is difficult to survive in a marriage without love. I like your story. even I have gone through such ladki things and I said No wherever possible. I am glad you did a right thing.
I have read your other post and I enjoyed reading this one also. In arranged marriages, some things never change.
Now i am eagerly waiting for second part.. loved the way you shared your story. Being in arranged marriage for 6 years i can say one thing, if you have right partner with good humor life is beautiful.
Haha, I’ve had an arranged marriage too and met some precious weirdos. Thankfully, most were filtered by my parents for expecting me to be submissive. You did find your perfect partner, and I know it. Part 2 would be fun to read!
The matchmaking scene and seeing boys was the worst part of marriage, thats until I met my hubby 18 years ago. I wouldn’t say mine was a rosy marriage from Day 1, had loads of struggles living in a joint family with BIL and co-sis, but yes I can proudly say I made it this far without killing my spouse, and I’d like to acknowledge it to love for sure, for him and my 2 kids that made me look at life from another perspective and thankfully my work and books kept me sane.
Lucky you..you had the choice. I was just told that my wedding was fixed. The other day a single girl was sharing this story…She gave in to her parents and agreed to meet a guy. First thing he asked her was if she could ride a two-wheeler. When she asked the reason, he said it would help in picking up the kids from school or buying groceries. As if it is only the mom who has to and he also asked her if she was active..totally irrelevant questions on the first meet.
I can totally relate with your post. I too met with so many grooms but their demands were never ending but thankfully I didn’t fall in their trap. my marriage is also arranged one but it is a long story.
Arranged marriage is my dream hope it comes true soon. loved teading yours.
this was so me. glad that you had the freedom to filter out these weirdos and go towards your loved one. looking forward to know more
eagerly waiting for part 2..
i felt your story …even I met some families like as u mentioned…cover your head …being a Rajasthani … leaving in hyd has never seen all this ..but as u said ..if we have the one who makes us feel loved …wanted ..we tend to do things we never wanted to do.
haha your experiences are so relatable… whatever you are, is exactly what the families do not want in their bahu. finding love in an arranged marriage or just even a good and equal partner is such a blessing!
I have experienced some absurd demands from people too. its horrific that people still try to do it.
awaiting part 2
I am keen to read part two, Neha. Arranged marriage necessitates tradition, family, and compatibility. I guess love blossoms in arranged marriages slowly when people start to respect each other, value them in life, and definitely not be demanding. They try to adjust.
It’s so interesting to read your perspective – and I remember having a similar conversation with you at the airport after the Blogchatter retreat. Things were different for me. Yes the boys I met were also less-than-desirable for a variety of reasons, but these kind of expectations were never laid out. I’m glad you found the right partner!