Finding Love in Arranged Marriage: 9 Years of Love and Laughter | Part 1

Finding Love in Arrangement

Hello lovely people! This is the month of ‘Love’ and just like January (my son’s birthday month), February is also my favorite month of the year. Nah, not because of the Valentine’s day! But because of my Marriage day! Strange, isn’t it? In Feb 2015, I got married to the person who still makes me fall in love with him again and again. But guess what? It was not Love at first sight! And, of course, it was not a love marriage! It’s strange how some people come into our life and then become our everything. Here’s our story of finding love in an arranged marriage!

I don’t usually write on such topics, but this month, I want to explore my love for blogging and writing. While crafting a blog, I focus on what my readers would want to read and what content they would find helpful or interesting. Mostly, I share valuable information for parents to make their lives easier. However, this month, I want to write for myself. Although I could write it in a personal journal, I also want to make it public. In today’s world, arranged marriages are often looked down upon and finding love can seem too challenging. I want to put this out there before the notion of arranged marriages becomes extinct.

It's strange how some people come into our life and then become our everything. Here's our story of finding love in an arranged marriage!

Image Source: listen2guruji.files.wordpress.com/

Also, since I’m participating in #WriteAPageADay with Blogchatter, these posts/entries would be a perfect fit. I have the freedom to write anything I want! Yippee!!!

So, let’s go back to 2014 when my parents were making my life difficult by pestering me to get married. I was 28 years old, pretty frustrated with the whole idea of marriage. No, wait! Not with the concept of marriage but how things are made difficult for a girl by the prospective groom’s family.

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I had already met and said ‘no’ to a few boys by then not because I didn’t like the person but simply because of the expectations their family had from me.

Finding Love: The Arranged Way

One family told me I would have to keep my head covered and eyes down after marriage whenever there will be someone around. That was a shocking demand in the name of respect. I told them I would respect them but I want to keep my head high. They didn’t like that!

Another family was quite religious; they found some fault in my kundli. They wanted me to follow certain rituals, wear some rings, visit the temple every day to ward off the negativity from my stars. I wanted to understand how me doing all this could help their family. I questioned, they got offended!

You may also read: Hey Women! You are no less.

There was one well off family, who didn’t want any dowry from my family. But they said, they wouldn’t stop my parents if they want to give any gifts to their daughter; things that would make me feel comfortable in their home. I told them I don’t really like gifts and their ego got hurt!

Then there were boys who behaved like a puppet in front of their families, expecting me to become a puppet too. No way was I going to marry a man child!

Now, after a decade, I can say I did the right thing. I feel proud of myself for not falling into the guilt trap of ‘ladkiyon ko karna padta hai, sun na padta hai’ (girls have to agree to what their would be in-laws want).

I feel being a single child, I was given a lot of liberty to make my own decisions. But when you are in your late late 20s, and you exhibit all the qualities of being a rebel, it makes your parents deeply concerned.

At that time, it was difficult for me to understand the reason for their worry. Because I was happily living in my house with my family, without any restrictions and financially independent too. There were no rules and regulations for me. I was a free bird!

You may also read: My Life, My Rules – Being a woman in India!

Why would anyone want to leave all this and start over again?

LOVE!!!

Love is the only thing that can make you do things you never wanted to do. Agree?

Yet, love is often overrated! It has to be unconditional to last forever, much like a mother’s love for her child.

But can you really find such love in a marriage?


What are your thoughts on this?

Did I find my true love?

Read Part 2 here – Finding My Jeevansathi on Jeevansathi dot com


This post was created for the Blogaberry Creative (Monthly) Challenge.
This blog post is also part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla in collaboration with Bohemian Bibliophile.

 

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19 Comments

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    Dr Mandira Adhikari February 2, 2024 at 11:27 pm - Reply

    I am really looking forward to your part 2 post Neha! I really want to know about this cute story! I got married at the age of 22 and it was a love marriage. I am a single child too, so I can relate with you!
    ps regarding personal posts, I have always noticed that these types of posts get way more views than the informative ones!
    http://www.docdivatraveller.com

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      Neha Sharma February 3, 2024 at 12:17 pm - Reply

      Thank you, Mandira! I was contemplating whether to write more or leave it here as to write such personal posts I have to come out of my comfort zone. Your comment came at the right time. I’ll share the next part soon! Also, I would love to know more about your experience of love marriage.

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    Suchita Agarwal February 3, 2024 at 10:51 am - Reply

    It will take us decades to redefine things for our girls but I’m so glad to read you expressed your concerns and said no when needed.

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      Neha Sharma February 3, 2024 at 1:18 pm - Reply

      Thank you, Suchita. I hope it happens sooner! The whole system of marriage and expectations around it have to change.

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    Deepti Agarwal February 5, 2024 at 6:44 pm - Reply

    waiting for part 2

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      Neha Sharma February 5, 2024 at 7:50 pm - Reply

      Coming soon…

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    Swarnali Nath February 9, 2024 at 11:12 am - Reply

    Finding love is not easy but I really admire the concept of love finding us. We come across many people in life to whom we develop a soft feeling but there will be only one person with whom we will feel a true soul connection. Loved reading your post, Neha.

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      Neha Sharma February 9, 2024 at 4:56 pm - Reply

      Thank you Swarnali for your thoughtful comment. Finding true love can be challenging, but yes when love finds us, we need to take care of it to see it grow and flourish. Wishing you all the best on your journey of love.

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    Cindy DSilva February 18, 2024 at 10:41 pm - Reply

    Wow, I’m glad that you did the right thing and didn’t fall for those man child kind of guys. Hahahhaa! We would never have met maybe.

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    Chandra Sundeep February 21, 2024 at 10:21 am - Reply

    The power of love ❤️

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    Anuradha Sowmyanarayanan February 21, 2024 at 4:21 pm - Reply

    Arranged marriages can also be as loving as love marriages.

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    Preeti Chauhan February 22, 2024 at 12:09 pm - Reply

    Arranged marriages are like a lottery, you never know what prize it holds for you. It was good that you spoke your mind and only said yes where your heart saw it fit. Of course, the parents do worry if one will ever find a mate that their daughter will like enough to settle with or if will she stay a spinster, and that can create a lot of pressure on the girl too.

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    Ambica Gulati February 23, 2024 at 8:15 am - Reply

    Thankfully, I never had to sail this arranged marriage, family comes to see girl, boat! I am glad you knew your mind and what kind of a companion you wanted. It’s also good to know that it is now real love! HappWishing you the best.

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    Chandra Sundeep February 23, 2024 at 11:24 am - Reply

    I was so curious to know what happened next, I came back to your blog and read the second part. I am so happy you found your true love ❤️

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    Samata February 23, 2024 at 4:11 pm - Reply

    To answer to the question If can you really find love in a marraige? My answer will be I am very very fortunate to have my man in my life. Yes I found love in my marraige. Getting him or him getting me was not an easy affair at all.. Yes you got it right… Mine was a love marraige. And I am glad i did one, because he is the one who gave more power to my wings of imagination to fly even higher perhaps arranged marraige could have never given me that. Even today also I cant think of arranged mararige as for me love can never be arranged and when you are in arrange marraige you hardly get the time to know the person and secondly and you are left with no choice other than to fall for that person. But I cant even deny that love dont happen in any arranged marraige but its very less in number. In arranged marraige what I have seen so far the concept of ” getting used to ” or “being a habit” gets the tag of love. I was aware of the choices of my parents for a groom for me and they might me the best for me as per them…. But I knew that’s not my choice of partners and here I was not ready to compromise. But yes, my parents was an arranged marraige and there is love … which I still believe shifted from being a habit to love. But they do love each other. Mishaps can happen both in love and arranged marraige and there is no gurantee. But hugs to you for being in love so much in your married life. May god bless you both and the little one with more happiness and love in your life.

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    Monidipa Dutta February 23, 2024 at 5:43 pm - Reply

    My sister in law and Brother in law had arrange marriage and they love is something I call epic. Yes, I have seen a lot .. (when I say a lot it means too many right from my childhood) of people facing issues after arrange marriage, My parents had a love marriage but seeing these stuff made me beleieve that arranges marriages are never good for women, sometimes men too. But again u r lucky, ,y sister and bro in law r lucky..

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    Chandrika February 24, 2024 at 9:40 pm - Reply

    Yes, nurturing is a must and effort to find the right partner. Glad you did find the one.

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    Prasanna Raghavan February 27, 2024 at 6:09 pm - Reply

    There is a thinking, accurate to some extent, that love marriages are better than arranged. These days, unfortunately, I see lots of love marriages ending in divorce before finding the first anniversary. So sad. To me, what matters is selfless love in an arranged or loving marriage. Neha, I’m happy for you finding love in an arranged marriage.

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    Manali March 1, 2024 at 6:23 pm - Reply

    So glad to have found someone like me who found love through arranged marriage. I don’t know why there is a a negative connotation to getting married like this. I truly believe it doesn’t matter how you find love or the right partner as long as you find them and it keeps the two people in the relationship happy

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