Mommy turned to Blogging
Today, I feel so happy and satisfied, the reason is not something that big but I have found my purpose as a Mother..as a Woman..as a Human! Read my experience of starting a blog – mommy turned to blogging.
I clearly remember the first month after Nemit was born, I was feeling the pangs of depression mostly because I was not sure how am I going to handle this whole motherhood thing. I was completely not prepared for all this, nobody mentioned about the sleepless nights to me, not even my mom told me how the post-delivery period is going to be.
Each day was an overwhelming surprise for me.
As the months passed, I started regaining my sanity but there was that feeling of sinking deep into the so-called ocean of motherhood, I was happy to see my baby growing and achieving milestones but the girl in me was getting suffocated with each passing day.
Occasionally, I was having meltdowns and was questioning the purpose of my life.
I would stay awake whole night and ponder about the course my life will take the next moment. Have you ever had the feeling where you want to run away from all the responsibilities and that includes baby too but immediately start feeling guilty about your decision? How could a mother think of running away from her child and her duties as a mother?
Oh God! I am such a horrible mother.
Soon Nemit turned 6 months old and I started thinking of joining work. But then came the devil of thoughts who would pull me back and cloud my mind with thoughts like how can I leave my baby alone when he needs me the most?
Who will be responsible if something bad happens while I go to work?
Will I get the job after a break?
What if I would not be able to manage job and home?
Will my mind work as sharply as it used to work before baby?
Will I be able to justify my role as a mother and as a working woman?
And all these confusing thoughts made me believe that it’s better to stay at home and spend time with my baby. Because not all are this lucky to get the chance to witness each moment of their baby growing.
There was never pressure on me to work and earn. I think I come under a special category of women who just can’t sit still. And their mind is so complicated that first, they come up with some target. Then keep working their butts off to achieve that so-called target.
I was never a great cook and neither interested in being one. But I tried to learn cooking and baking just to satisfy the devil in my mind that I am doing something and not just wasting my life. Yes, I know this skill can’t get its place in my CV but definitely, it was one big target which I set for myself and achieved.
And then followed many similar targets and the race to achieve them.
After my boy completed his 12 months, I was wondering what next? Is it time to leave him in a daycare and go out and actually start hunting for some work. But at the same time, I came across many of my friends who had started taking their passion and hobbies very seriously. And they were working on them and earning some bucks too.
Like a friend, who paints really well started working on her paintings and was selling them. I was impressed! Then found a friend who used to bake really well started her baking classes, that was enough to motivate me. But I soon realized I didn’t have any such talents in me.
To be continued…